Surrender- A Step to the Higher Consciousness and Enlightenment
Long ago, after I opened up to the Psychic and Spiritual Realms, I kept hearing a ‘voice’ claiming that I was a ‘child of God’ and ‘a servant of God’. To my independent nature this was ludicrous. I resisted what I thought was the ‘play of my ego’ and also being a ‘servant’ to anyone including God!
I didn’t know if I was caught up in the ‘limbo place’ as I had opened to both psychic and spiritual experiences. I determined in my own mind from ‘experience’, that Psychic phenomena dealt more with ‘spirits’, ghosts, channeling, hearing helpful voices, visions etc. There was no way for me to really know the ‘truth’ or benevolence of any directions, or suggestions that were given to me. My scientific mind overanalyzed everything that happened to me. I couldn’t tell if the ‘voice’ was my own imagination or some spirit or playful trickster, or my own Divine Guidance. At that time I didn’t even know we could ‘get’ Soul Guidance.
Slowly I began to realize ‘experiences’ of the Divine were subtle in energy or I could ‘sense’ the Truth of them within my ‘core’. There seemed to be a higher vibrational quality to these profound Truths. So I made a choice. I shut down all Psychic phenomena and would only pay attention to experiences that I could determine to be True from within my core/soul area. This was the place that was my barometer for Truth.
As I began to connect more with my own Soul Guidance, I felt able to ‘surrender’ to the Divine at greater depths. The Soul takes us deeper and deeper into love and from that point, there seems to be a ‘self- renunciation TO the Divine. This in turn takes us to a deeper connection TO the Divine. This at first might be more of a mental process with ‘intention’ but eventually we are Guided from within.
Surrender is like a yielding, …a giving over to God, a letting go of desires. It feels like I am giving a ‘gift’ of something To the Divine due to the tremendous evolving Love FOR the Divine, which steadily grows as our bridge to our Soul is traversed. We are ‘giving our selves TO God’… relinquishing our ‘attachment’ to everything at greater and greater depths.
The more we know of our self, the more we can surrender in genuine love. We do our emotional work. We discover the issues and solutions and then we go deeper. The depth of surrender comes from our growing love for God and this is perpetuated by the Soul itself.
It seems the more self- knowledge we have, the more we know ‘what’ we are surrendering.
At first it seemed to be superficial things like, having tea that week, or surrendering my ability to be analytical all the time. Then it felt like I was to surrender very important things like my ability to read or walk or think at all. Then it was my profound Union experiences with God.
One day I had an internal vision of elderly washer woman. She seemed to be carrying a pail of dirty water. Her profile was to me and as she turned, she looked right into my eyes. Instantly I seemed to receive a message: I was to surrender even the most profound spiritual experiences such as ‘Union with God’. I was shocked. Then information was conveyed to me: These experiences were no more profound than the dirty water in her pail. God is all things, even the dirty water in that pail. Again I was shocked. These experiences were so sacred to me… so powerful in their clarity as they promoted such a connection with the Divine. As I looked at her as she trudged away, I realized I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know how. So, I just ‘intended’ to let them go. Instantly I was ‘taken to a partition of heavy plastic that seemed to be an entrance into a room. The room was empty except I saw a broom moving and sweeping out the last sawdust from the room until it was totally clean. (We usually get visions that have some meaning in our lives. My deceased father had been a carpenter and then teacher and sawdust always reminded me of him)
I assumed this clean room represented some ‘cleaning out’ of more ‘ego stuff, because instantly I was guided to a quiet place that seemed like a safe place of protection right in front of what seemed like ALL THAT IS… I felt held in the hands of God… and waited, for the next stage.
Over time, I was ‘Guided’ to give up more and more. It felt like a ‘knowing’ within my core… I just knew! I kept hoping it wouldn’t involve my ‘children’. Each time I went through the process of genuinely ‘surrendering something’; it felt like I may really be giving them up forever. I did it with such authenticity and from my heart but then my mind would occasionally ‘kick-in’ and I worried because it really felt like I was giving these things up. Eventually I realized that I was surrendering them like a gift, as if paying homage to God,… honouring God with what I was surrendering. I was letting go and offering all that was important to me, including ‘me’… my very existence.
I thought the Peak Spiritual Experiences were the height of what I could surrender, but then I felt Guided to surrender my body, and then my life and then my existence/my spirit. Each of these things felt like I was going to die! Much courage was required. Much faith was needed.
At the more surface depths, I faced letting go of things like accomplishments, how I thought of myself, goals, material gains and desires. At the greater depths I faced my own mortality and realized the great strength of ‘will’ we have as human beings to ‘survive’ and exist. I could feel this ‘will’ to survive like a ‘real, tangible thing’. I was Guided to relinquish my ‘will to live’, .. even my own spirit.
(It made me think of those who have transitioned into death. I realized when their time comes, it ‘can’ be helpful to encourage them to ‘let go’, and why some souls choose times when no other family members are present, simply because that might make it harder.… That ‘will to survive’ is so strong.)
The great mystic saint Teresa of Avila, from the 16th century, wrote a passage about her own journey saying: “she offers His majesty her will to live. This is the most priceless gift she has to give”.
I was so happy to read this because it validated my own experience that was so difficult.
During this ‘Surrender’ stage or phase of my Spiritual Journey, more and more clarity came with regards to my mental processes, emotions, issues, my pride, my fears, and my virtues of courage, faith, and trust. As I really faced my own apparent dissolving ‘self’, into what seemed like ‘oblivion’, my evolving selflessness to give my entire ‘being’ and ‘life’ TO the Divine, grew.
In the old days we might have been in a place for nuns or priests, or in an ashram for guidance. We in the West have few Personal Spiritual Teachers… so our inner Guidance leads the ‘way’.
Every time I was able to surrender something, I would move into greater Spiritual Heights. My journey seemed to progress in steps… Surrender at greater and greater depths and then came miraculous progress. The deepest things to surrender lead me to the Absolute (the Higher Consciousness)/Cosmic Consciousness/Connection with Oneness/ with ALL….The Divine.
All of these gains were actually more and more connection with the Creator, and more clarity about ‘what that means’.
Saint Teresa of Avila wrote a book called The Interior Castle which was transcribed and translated by Mirabai Starr. Sister Teresa had a vision of a crystal castle that represented 7 chambers in spiritual development towards the ultimate soul’s union with the Divine and then the manifestation of this into the world.
At a time when I felt so alone in trying to understand the esoteric, mystical side of ‘Spirituality’ I was lead to this book that helped me so much. She validated so many of my experiences, when no one I knew could. She helped to explain the process of ‘spiritual development’. Her descriptions of the Union with God and then the soul-felt anguish that comes when you feel separated from this union, was familiar to me. All I could think of was, ‘Thank goodness someone else knows what this feels like.’
One night I wondered if she realized that 500 years from when she wrote her book, that it would help not just her fellow nuns during her lifetime, but also someone like me, in 2006 who needed her ‘guidance’.
Instantly, I had a vision of her in her nun’s habit. I could just see her face and her expression was one of ‘great joy’ and exultation. She was overjoyed. I knew she ‘knew’.
The difficulty: Our Ego doesn’t want to ‘let go’.
A.H. Almaas addresses this, in his book ‘The Inner Journey Home’..’Soul’s Realization of the Unity of Reality’.
“The ego-structured soul is too scared and distrustful to let go of her major defining structures, which makes surrendering difficult. The distrust causes her to identify with these structures even more rigidly, for they are the building blocks of her autonomous existence and functioning.”
He indicates that as we make progress in ‘surrendering’, the soul then feels an increase in consciousness and ‘Presence’. He states,” Deepening levels of surrender finally invoke the full presence of divine love….”.
This Presence then ‘reveals itself as the ‘boundless ocean of Being, and love, consciousness and light, the substance and true nature of everything….The presence of Divine Love … .. holds the soul and assuages her fear and terror’. ..’The discovery and integration of divine love gives her a great support and momentum for the further stages of this difficult journey’.
This Divine Love instills a sense of trust so that one can more spontaneously and from greater depths, relax, let go and surrender ego concerns, and cares. It feels like you are ‘being held by the hands of God’, and being comforted. I have on my living room table a bronze sculpture of hands gently holding a tiny baby. This symbolizes how it feels to ‘me’. We are held by the loving hands of the Divine and in turn we ‘trust’ with faith to eventually ‘give’ our total selves into those hands. This is a major part of the journey.
Along the way we have our own Inner Guidance. We are also guided by others who support or guide us as well. It could be passages from a book, or the smile from a stranger at a critical moment in our lives or even an 11 year old client coming in for help who ended up acting as ‘my’ helper. We ARE Guided.
I learned that ‘being a servant of God’ wasn’t so bad after all. It meant surrendering my ‘total’ self, with great humility, authenticity and faith. I was ‘loved’ through the process. The results have been miraculous.
Much Love to All,
Carolyn
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